Pieces of Me

So, I decided to start a blog because I’ve always wanted to write my own book. My wife tells me all the time that I should, but I just know I don’t have the structure of someone to sit down and curate 300 pages of a story that is cohesive enough to keep people’s interest. So, I figured a blog can be all my thoughts down in a space that either you feel me or you don’t…

This space that I’m creating started with just things that I’ve written just to get myself started, but now I want it to actually mean something even if just for myself. My life, my story…is chaotic, hard, sad, beautiful and I hate to say it, but sadly relatable in some way to most people. I say sadly because while I’m so grateful for my life…it has not been an easy journey.

Let’s talk real talk…I’m your typical tom boy that grew up on a farm until the age of 7, moved to ny in a trailer park in the suburbs (the poor kid), then to a small city where my first experience making friends was having a rock thrown at my head and being tripped up the stairs. Dad was a dead beat drunk that showed up when he wanted to and paid no support. My mom was a SAHM, on disability unable to work…when I was little she was a great mom…super creative and involved, the typical Boy Scout, dance mom that you hear so much about…that changed after I turned 7, but you’ll get that part later on. I have 5 siblings…4 brothers and a sister, only 2 are fully blood related, the others have 2 different dads…but I don’t call them half, they are for all messiness of a sibling, my brothers and sister.

My siblings each have their own stories, it’s crazy to think that our lives are so intertwined with others that it affects ever so slightly the trajectory of our paths and how we end up shaping our own futures. Whether it’s “I want to be like you”, or “I don’t want to be anything like you”, or that just simple “you have qualities I hope I can carry too”….it starts with how did you help me, hurt me, heal me, love me, believe in me, wound me, teach me, etc etc. you get the point. All this to say that some take these things and learn from them, some allow the struggle to make them better, some bitter, and some use their pain as excuses as to how the justify their poor behavior.

I am the former…I am way too accountable. I take what I’ve learned and seen and tell myself that I never want to hurt people that way…and even then, still human over here, I learn from my mistakes, I apologize, and try never to make the same mistake twice. An apology means nothing when the behavior stays the same. My family is not the same. Each have their own stories, but most justify justify justify. It’s all poor me…it’s your fault…I struggled worse than you…I am this way because of my past…blah blah blah.

I’m tired of hearing it honestly. And I now realize I went off on a complete tangent and need to reel myself back in.

Where was I? Oh yes, I’m a 34year old Scorpio (for whatever that’s worth). Got married to my beautiful wife in the middle of COVID lockdown…in our kitchen lol, that’s lesbians for you…if there’s a will there’s a way. We have two kids, one is our angel baby girl, and our 8 month old boy who was born 9 weeks early (again both stories for another post). I have worked for the same company since I was 17 both a blessing and a curse. Bought our first home in 2020, love being off grid, outdoors, in nature of some sort.

Now that you get the gist of me…the next post will be the start of my life…hold on to your seats, just like to most, my story feels like a lot and is intense…but I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Welcome to the pages of my story ❤️